Second entry; Captains log.
Made a mistake, it can be fixed just do not slack off.
De G.E.D. is gone and missing. Patience is important, the 3 sources - have for it kinda are sketchy. Father, is not always there to help out, only on those instances where it is live or death. I will have to call de school up, the office that translated de G.E.D. years ago is still searching, strangely enough.
In situations as this; you can be a dick to people and wolf down their ear-drums commands to get shit done, good thing all de Romanian women working usually are a 7 or above. Even they are lacking the complexities of women from other nations, well most folks in Romania are simple.
With the development of culture in the lines where it is impossible for me to just blend in. That diplomea is my only way out.
Came back to Romania with a big long list of whom exactly to marry. Took that list and crossed off everyone of um. One snuck by and left her name on my wall...Clever girl. To bad she do not keep in touch.
So far the only one I do respect is Anny.. She works hard and apart from that is a very clever one.
To early to jump the gun. By monday that would be the 13th of this month, at least a leap will be made from the fog of confusion encirceling my heart. That is how it is safe though.
------------------------------------------
That was pretty easy. Oz the guitar got fixed up in a heart beat. Except now he is a bit new age. Gone are the old single coil pups that made enough noise to drive a stray cat mad and in their place a pretty set of lights that illuminate the silouehte of my hand and fingers. Dark lit misty stage apply only. But there is still a bit of tape to apply around the edge to "engage stealth mode"... Or to make the guitar appear as if nothing out of the ordinary ever happened to it.
Its use on stage will be procrastinated for quite awhile. And the guitars place is now by my side now as opposed to... free to play. Class A all tube amplification, silent humbuckers, Oz is going to sound great. To bad the neighbors get to listen for free... Those bastards. Maybe something could happen with one of the ladies, but I am not interested enough to begin to seranade the block with passion. As I said they must pay :)
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Lazy fucking bastards! That's is how to describe Romanian people, with an exact definition of what they are! Sleep is the most common diagnosis for the symptom of being a distant country.
. ي خ. خ.
With the lateness of the hour I wish there was at a clock ticking. Grandma! That is the secret ! All her clocks must never stop... Or so she wishes
דשהק צק
Cuts and pieces from my own thought slowed down to at least conversation. Discovering thought patterns occured a long time in the rest of the world. But in Romania the inteleactual evolution that makes modern society what it is.... Has been radiated at a slow metabolism$
That is nuerons afflicted nearby synapsis more slowly. Could partially be blamed on Nuclear radiation.
As well as the current afflictions of modern society.
A few hours later.
Would you look at that. It is 6 in the morning. Mother fuckers are still sleeping. Should I get my saxophone? No. Theie not paying me enough. Instead. I shall go into the kitchen and fix the table. The screw digging into the wood should make enough screaching to notice the neighbors of my presence. How long could I take this pathetic sleep. 4 days. Lucky for the common man that I was injured and could not walk. Guess what. Daddies back bitches!
I'm a bit angry. How can people be this fucking oppressed in 2013!
Come to my door...
I dare you.
I will rip those chains of oppresion right off you. Along with your skin.
Violent thoughts on a beautiful Monday morning.
Ha I need PANcakes! Doughnuts and Pussy Ha Ha!
N x T
I'm in pain right now. Usually my personality is not supposed to percieve. But strength is the creed which I march forward too. Now it is best to not remember the reason for the change or the loss of memory.
It is strange that over the years countless faces have been erased from existence, rather from my perspective on it. A blind eye, turned to most of the world.
A shaken memory, all the bad quickly disappears from thought and again I am in La La land.
نخباقزقوع
The first step is to analyze how a sperson speaks, tone of voice, body movement, facial expression, vibe$ these things than altogether change my energy or null it, in Romania most people make me wish to avoid them.
With the truth that you have to be social if you want to be a high society dip-weed.
In Romania high society has little to offer, besides rules and regulations.
The middle class of Romania has the true aristrocrates, the ones who's opinions get imposed upon through countless words. There are no brutes here, the men of this society puff their muscles up with protein and have only the illusion of strength.
Shame really.
A place like Alaska is better. The cold keeps the weak away. The night leaves the dishones scared. The day shows us all our faults.
California would be the opposite. It is always hot. No not warm. Hot. At night the freaks come out. Most are normal people who work all day and want to escape the trap of capitalism. Others have enough free time to force their minds numb. There are a million reasons but it all links down to unity.
The day shows your strength and your weakness. As at night most people should not eat. Day time is where, cleansing, nurishement and collection occurs.
NYC is a game. You know people and places then you create a game-plan on how to navigate the rat race.
There is always a moment where it is as to be an empty city. In the earliest of the morning. There are places worth visiting, places where life is worse, and places where it is beautiful.
To live in ignorance is to be cheer-ful. A misplaced, and lost heart feels good to have the faith to believe it is safe and well. That happy energy help it beat proudly.
Folly is for me. Jokes and laughs. Songs and stories. Complaints, worries, are things for fools.
Remember this.
As another day passes in a boring city in a boring town. I am complaining or so it seems about this too much. In reality it is just a fact.
Bored and happy.
List of problems for this month:
1. Oppression is still the main cultural premess of Romania.
2. Boredom is impossible to keep away.
3. Internet problems.
4. Phone problems.
5. School will stop taking me serious.
6. Fear of failure is growing.
7. This pen.
End of line.
May 27th, probably.
Good friends are with you till forever.
But they have to be capable of understanding you. It is what sets them apart from folks that are not friends. School is not working out.. Or it is.. Strangely enough I give myself the space to breath. Sure my breathes are a bit big but yeah. It has to be done. Technology today is catching up to where I will be comfortable using it as real.
Another page and another line. End dead-line for the book is the end of the year. Pure jumbled thoughts of a man who goes by many names.
Wild man, Dude, Crazy Romanian, American, Alex, Ami, Vlad.
Cheers.
It has been sometime since I felt whar it is like to have the interest burn through your veins. The human body burns as if infected by a virus. The only thing on Terra that I hate, technology.
Let's take a step towards logic. The human body is designed to move. Technology has it doing the exact opposide. Then again so do lots of other activities (fishing, drinking, eating, wanking). But I can still feel it burning.
It could be an allergic reaction of sorts, where the nervous system. In response to a non-existent stimulation begins to rebutal and act out.
Strange it may seem, but evidence of the human body dissapproving of technology can be related to artyrtus of the hands restricting typing. Vision, faded obscuring merchants.
Memory erased forgetting writting.
Sabotage.
Is human nature.
It is slowly halting as we accept that we have conquered this planet. HOHRA!
Wooot! Yippee
Hooray. HazzAA!
Felicita!
Truth-fully conquering the planet has not been enough.
We have judged each other and ruled over our children and distant family for thousands of years. The end of it will never come. It is in our blood to carry the meek under our feet as we tample the land our fathers gave to us. Giants we are, created by the words we speak, write, and create.
Years ago chains bid men and women seperate. Before-hand swords, ropes, spears, and numbers. Today it is our beloved technology.
We still are free, but we scream in masses at each other to follow. Holding our heads up as we blindly lead the way.
Tea time at 4:27 (a.m.).
It is morning, quiet as usual. If I was any-where else....
It must have cooled off by now.
TE iuBESTE MAMA TA
Any luck reading this ?
They say vampires are not real. Here in Romania they actually begin to aggitate me. Enfuriating me as the days go by. I witness the people of the country going through the motion of delivering to us energy. I for one prefer positive energy over the oppresive force the shadow walkers devour. Still how they fear me.
My will has happily been freed though. With a few days to forget about responsibility as I sent out the letter of intent to M.I.
First thought, I need a weapon, dogs on the street are becoming more and more aggresive, soon they will begin to attack. Viciously. I will practice my tunes for the first time in months. Tonight. Than..
Relax some more :)
I have met some people that lacked the motivation to do anything. Frankly, if I wank it I end up the same way. Yet it is still an interesting mind-set to explore. Today is the 29th and I am making an effort to recover from it. In 2 days I will be fine. But I will never go back.
Finally recovered from the episode of wanking it. Confidence, charisma, all of my personality traits are back up to the level they have to be at to function properly. Pretty sure I will not wank it again... As much as I would like too. This is one of the steps to get married. But it is more a personal affect than anything else. Since after a wankening the only thing I think about is... Crap I wanked it again, then the arguement that.. Well it is better than getting an STD comes to mind.
Its strange that my mind is affected for a period of 48 hours (or more) because of this.
Oh, I finally stopped wondering on about random pretty girlies. Figured if they do not talk, I do not talk. In the past, 14-17, things were much different. Now that game got old.
Strange it is to have no responsibility of any sort. The days when I worked hard to have a concert every month are behind me.
Music today is a stunt, there is no reason what so ever to even bother being involved. That is my honest opinion.
Reality
Accept that we
Can only percieve
it. Never shall/have
we known it.
But still there are ways to eliminate the mental filtering that block up from thinking into words.
Reality.
I have been there a few times and it is Enjoyable, even if mankind has no place there, yet.
All of the earthly things we care for dissappear. Hate as well as love. The expression left on the face though is the true reflection of who we are.
I smile again.
That wraps up a few more words on a few more pages. It is wendnesday. I won't write again until at least Saturday.
Talk abou enjoying every moment. The lights in the living room get fixed after 8 hours of tinkering with. Just a string and some cable, more out of desperation...it could still use a bit of fixing, but it was just to prove my idiot friend Dex that he is being negative.
But it is Romania these people are so dim witted. Weird how I can still ignore every bit of the shitty energy.
Tomorrow should be fun, started off early in the morning to walk down to Victory square planning to visit Laur. For 2 weeks now he has been with-out a phone. It could be that witnessing me use my land line phone, and the little discussions we had about society today. It could be the he simply has given up the cell-phone.
Impossible!
This I must see!!
Hopefully, he is doing better now than before, knowing him it may be that he has cheated on his wife and really fucked things over. Bu thene he'd still be o.k.
Figure things out in the A.M. He usually wakes after 12 anyways.
The hunter knows more than just the prey. A predator is keen to every possible detail out there. For there is no room for mistakes whatsoeva!
Instinct make plenty of them. You learn more from screwing up than opposite. There is also the knack to explore, kbowing that correct is just a matter of opinion.
Damn you society and all your rules, oh wait, I contribute to them as well.
Well talk about perculiar. The other day I visited Cristina to witness her casting a spell. She has all the authority to do so. There is an eternal love, and respect which I will always give to her. It must be balanced though. Quest unlocked, finally something worth-while to do with my time.
Thanks society.
Places that hold magic power are around here in Bucuresti. Luckily enough it is one of the few comadations unknow to the Romanian folks. Unlike the rest of the world where magic resides through-out the land.
Here people tend to believe in simpler things. Earth, Pig, Cow, Chicken. Herbs, vegatables, fish. All these sorts of things. Rarely does one find a person interested in the aspect of life that is more.
Dreaming and whatever else I forget to mention. There are little curses, but eh there is always adoption ya know.
To conclude it going to be awhile till I write again. In here anyways. Do not know why, it feels that way.
Out of all the situations I end up in. This one is a bit weird. Pretty much stuck in the apartment with no communication with the outside world and a radius of twenty minutes to walk. Originally the home phone was supposed to work and the internet was supposed to be an easy fix. There is not much to do. Mainly sitting, not even thinking in Romania, the country I will find a wife in.
Stejar te Rog Andrea :) Si o halba? Mersi ! !
Ai un par foarte
Frumos!
Tan
Mi-am agatat pardesiul de bratele unei mori de vant. Si de fiecare data cand mi-e frig
Invat sa zbor.
My blazer has caught a windmill, thus when its windy. I am taught to fly.
Interesting. The Vaio has seased to collect to the router. Could it be the 2 are tired of Dilly-daddeling on the internet? Never thought the predicament would become real. The computer connects to the defaul gateway instead of going any further. Didn't bother to check if the ppoe bit has anything to do with a slacked connection but it could.
Slowly I will make my way back into the music scene. Though redundent as to hopping in alone. Something will work out.
Cristina seems a bit mad about waking her up so early, so today I'll wake her at 7 instead of 6. She needs to understand that there are people in the world that don't sleep while there are things to do. A cold hard reminder is that of desire to have companionship in some-one.
Every-day I was the type to make a compromise on who I am just to fit in. Calif taught me to never take that for granted. The other bit of a 70% chance of infection pretty much ruins any chance to get laid.
Things didn't go as planned 1 month later a lonely man I still am.
It's not at all bother-some, worrying, stress-ful, or anything. It is a simple truth.
Maybe it's not good to brag about the options available for marriage. Maybe those women should have a higher level of respect condoned to them. Respect and Honor?
Do those words even mean anything today ? Don't bring up the Japanese, maybe in Austrailia ?
Well what's the plan for the future ? Sitting in purgatory isn't exactly to help-ful. The guitar has become an extension of the arm. Drums are a beat synced to the heart. Music is not about fitting into a band any-more. It literally is turning into guiding other musicians forward. The whole industry is about to collapse on itself! RRrrrr, maybe it already did ?
Before there was a cause of love to get in front of people.
Chattering gossip and spreading stories of me was un-attractive to performing on stage.
Today I play for no-one, not even myself. It would be nice for someone to come along and say " Hey Dude, let us make some music". But even then the raised standards of musician-ship turn the relationships into pupil and student.
Now if I could reciieve what I want, what the heart desires to create passion again. I am slowly turning colder and colder. Day by Day.
Awakened again from the slumber. I don't sleep again.
Eventually... It will all be perfect.
But why do parts of my body go numb?
Cold blood my child. And a slowly freezing heart.
I still wonder if my pops was serious. His heart can't really be fucked up!
The wilderness out in California seems as such a bliss-ful escape from society. One thing that gets no bit of my attention. There's just to much to think about.
It was simple before. To get in a situation where I'll make love was easy. After seeing where every-one stands. It's pointless to have any goals. The time period I'm alive in is small, progress is slow. The only thing I'll witness in my life-time is the stupidity of man-kind.
Hell these apes just now figured out infinity is infinite. A decade later from the first publications of Nano-techbology and Mars exploration and nothing has been achieved.
Mind that. There are small segments of progress. If only more people would be academic. Society today has a rather low intelligence level.
Before the human civic structure will be burdoned by highly intelligent individuals, it will be another 50-100 years. Worse is that everyone is self centered. The instinct to survive is still in our fragile D.N.A.
Probably the only person alive who's scared to sit down. I now fear my own bed. Not that I have a problem with that. But every so little often (such as now), it would be great to lay in a big bed and sleep. The ground, the floor, something hard is much better than anything soft.
Apart from that Bucharest has grown into a positive form of supporting optimism. Everyone says to do it, if you can. Than they help you think about it, if it's to hard. Nice folks.
Things aren't as different in California. The beach is still 3 hours away and the mountains 4. Of course there is the wonderful addition of snow :) well the bath water should be chilled by now.
Remember the reason for quiting music. The degeneration and cultural down fall of it all. There used to be these people that had "Rock-Star" personalities.
There still are, of course, but for some reason I think they're a bit shadowy about them-selves.
It's though of little importance, everyone gets along just fine. Or better said every-one devours everyone else. Whether it be time, money, words, ideas, energy, sweat, or blood (or anything else). So in a world of givers and takers, is there more ?
Simina is exactly what I've been looking for. Now let's not junp the gun on anything and keep rocking steady.
I promised myself suicide if thing go wrong. That is, no ability to walk, loss of a limb, some kind of disfiguration, that sort of thing. Right now it's the end of July and there's a bit wrong with my spine. For a few days I thought about beating up a police officer to take away his gun. Than that it would be fun to jump off of something. After awhile it became clear. Drink plenty of Alchohol before jumping. But hanging is a pretty classic methos as well. It has the advantage of a slow death, the air just never fills your' lungs again. Or the neck snaps, pretty tough way to "go". Instead though I made an agree-ment. If I see the words " This is not reality" written in my favorite hue of blue out on a wall, or a billboard, or a window. Than I may as well sit in front of a train. Chu Chu!
It's just not good to live seragated. What happened to the wild wolf and strong Greek that is in my blood.
This diet of mine is nothing but healthy food. I excercise, walk plenty and yet I'm still fucked up at 24!
All the relationships failed, and so far every new one does as well. The only hope now is some-one unknown. Can't say I'm much interested though. No wanking, No sex, No drugs, No Alcohol, No music. I'm boycotting everything "good" in modern society. The main reason is that we have lost ourselves. Some-how a race of creature that was created with the scope of spreading and multiplying itself through-out the universe has be-gotten itself still.
Because we pretend to put such a hugh value on life we no longer have the courage to push our frontiers.
One day we will return to our brutal nature.
Medicine, bummer I was begining to enjoy being sober. Guess this kind of stuff happens for a reason. Apart from that there's a band I'm working with. 2 books of which I'm writting. One is actually serious, the other is to take the edge off. One world is a created fiction while the other is today. Caste is nice but it will be hard to achieve the level of respect needed for it to be a good book. The telepathic man is only going to be a hundred some pages. It's a book the rewards the reader. I get threw a paragraph, it has a tone. The next paragraph is simular but either friendly or more tormenting. You can strike on imagination or destroy a dream with words. That small element is one I avoid. Books should be honest - Not a playground of words.
Caste is going to be the bible for the new age. Setting in writting solutions for the problems of today is fun. The "meat grape" idea was probably the most entertaining one. As well as sticking to the complex nature of credit over currency. I like star wars, and star trek. There they talk a bit about credits but the system is never elaborated on. Than I'm introducing the idea, or theory that man-kind is currently being visited by another race. Digital.
Last night I thought out my writters block. Finally. I don't want to create some idiots ramble of a book. It has to capture people. Tomorrow I'll mail the 2 pillars draft of Caste to Cristina, John, and maybe ghost if I still have the contact. Then I'll post it on Majestic, Google plus and facepoop. Just to keep up with the current generation of smurfs.
More or less, it's like "Fuck you !".
These people are lacking in imagination. In America Freedom is taken much to Far. "But Screw You I'll do what I Want"
Grrr, It's hard to find the motivation to head out. My spine is hurting, my head is coming back from the pills, my finger is cut. But I should go out there and socialize. I keep thinking, there's no-one out there any way. I won't make love today either Why bother ? I can't stay in and wait for the pain to settle, it doesn't.
Good thing I have enough cash to day. Because of mum that I can take a cab back.
Well, A day ago I wished for something. It didn't come true again. Unless the security gaurd who wanted me to sing him a song was gay. Not my thing. Looking for a women to love. Things are pretty set. Take Cooking Course, become a great chef. Though I may have to cook my own penis to prove a point.
Well gonna call Laur, he usually cheers me up in a 'Dry' spell.
I did everything I proposed, except for findinf Blu ! The women would love the living room. I know it. This pain though is a hard lonely pain.
Well, it's been awhile now my new problems are ahm... My left eye is going blind ? Fucking thing. Though I'd glady exchange an eye for a healthy spine. It'd be cool to be blind in one eye. Especially if it's white. Now there's a weird social thing that's bugging me. Everyone is smoking ganja. That little rumor about the government using ganja to introduce some new virus. The proof is in the fact that I keep desintegrating. Eh whatever. Cooking classes, than working as a chef in some weird destroyed world doesn't sound so bad. Took me awhile to figure out my plans for life, but stage one is complete.
And just when it's over and you have plenty of friends. I remember the verse, I'll get back to it way later. Maybe in another life ?
Alek showed up, as usually, in a kinda Ragga-Muffin way. So now all the women I ever felt something are finally showing off every trait I don't want.
Superficial, Exagerant, Doll, Lost, Confused, dreaming and whatever !!!???!!!
It's not a communication breakdown, we're just not speaking tongues.
Am o problema de lima nu de communicare.
Talk about a nice vacation. Took responsibility right out of my hands and mind. Plans are orchestrating themselves just as perfect as the underlaying concept was many nightd ago. I'm retired and I'm a cook that's what people need to know, than the rest is about business relationships in terms of business. East roots failed, they can't keep up and taking the boys out of Romania presents the issue literally feeding them to the lions. There state is the list of venues, how-ever maybe rehab nation is still up and running. Spots was nice enough to present me with a bunch of speakers and a new subwoofer
T.B.C.
And we continue (me, and my future reader). I figured out that I'm the one percent of any society that just happens to be different. In the good sense of the word. It's nice to have full control over all emotion. Nice to know everything has a future. Though I'd still prefer the world to end, and by the world I literally mean Earth And more precisely, the entire human species to be extinct. Sure they've accomplished quite numorous feats. There inventioness is pretty, but the level of complication is to implicated. A being has first the obligation of maintains a strictly interacting bond with nature. This involves dominace over every other animal with love. The dominion humans have is an accidental reprocution of the fear of the danger the other species pose.
And this is why they must vanish from existence to be remembered only as a mistake.
But of course... They are young. And have proven their ability to adapt. In 4 generations time they will make changes, sadly for us trapped before the transition we can only be there as pillars.
Well, now I'm in Brasov.
It's tiny, it's pointless. 15% of the people around here aren't even happy. Then the city has been only developed as a tourist attraction. It's a play-ground for campus kids. Why am I here ? What the hell am I going to achieve here besides being put on a manestite and studied like a lab rat.
The social aspect does not interest me any. It must have to do with the lack of musicians and the marketing of Art.
On the more positive side of things :) I have more spiders now, though it's hard to figure out how their going to attain food. The apartment I turn in is pretty sweet. Reminds me a bit of the kind of place a secret agent would use.
Of course my mission is to have statues of me erected in my Mother-Land. So far running around with a foot-ball helps, working with Lila gains me respect. The academy is a career though, a strange one but heck, they need an American to sit there right.
But damn this is one small fucking town!
Still not gonna date these pages :p
Visited a collegue...Don't know what she wanted from me but there was a huge gap between me and the 3 girls.
Good thing I got really drunk. My body hurts, but more likely to be from moving the dresser and carrying home a 20 kilo-gram Mosiac. Now I'm in-credibly lonely. If it wasn't for de Academy, I'd kill myself.
But hey! You can't die with a "College Degree"! One day, some-woman will Come along that I can get along with but by than..I'll be dead :)
Off to work on de hotel with Lazea.
Didn't take as long as expected, 3 weeks and the side-effects are strong.
Being in Romania is one thing but a little Hill-Billy town like Brasov is even worse. Cut off from the rest of the world. I'm still indulging in small experiments, meditating states of mind and Keeping myself trained. Out there the only thing existent is a digital brain. Everyone is captured this problem is a as dense situation (except for Japan, China, etc).
Staying goal oriented helps in these kinds of situations. Catch birdy, finish Academy. It's about all I got...
Everyone here is an empty souls. Obviously something is feeding off them. And I don't care :) I'm just complaining that every-thing is too easy.
I'm calling it, this is purgatory. There's no fucking doubt about it.
Made a list of things that are a must in the woman to be with next and forever. The point of the list is to make things easier for me though. It sets the mind to ease with the enlightenment of responsibility to constantly look and search.
" I'm tired of searching ". Since I am the kind of person with a very busy mind, this will regulate just how much searching I'll do from now on. Q. All interest in women is off from Now on. None is good enough.
Here's the list.
1. Eats healthy and Ethical food.
2. Enjoys staying up forever.
3. Is not obsessed with - Sex, Drugs, Gossip, Fashion, Money, Time, Jewlery, Parfume, Coffee, Social Networks, De Internet, texting.
4. Has a healthy understanding of Art.
5. Cares about physical fitness.
6. Regularly excercises.
7. Can stay out of a relationship for a long time.
8. Not an attention whore.
9. Knows something about Star Trek & Star Wars; Battle Star Galatica and Andromedia is a plus.
10. Indulges in sports.
11. Calls at whatever time she pleases.
12. Won't always pick up de "phone".
13. Cares for and understands her family.
14. If she doesn't call, at least she writes (Letters).
15. Not a mall/club-rat/sociolite.
16. Has good friends (Not a horde of goblins).
17. Is as tall or taller than me.
18. Has held a job.
19. Cooking.
20. Loves Animals.
21. Believes in space exploration.
22. Dis-Likes the petroleum industry.
23. Very perticular about being responsible.
24. Spontagious.
25. Takes risk in the pursuit of happiness.
26. Fluent in body language.
27. Not selfish or/and self-centered.
28. Knowledge of the bible.
29. Spiritual affinity.
30. Purity.
31. Does not repeat the same story to a 100 people (per day).
32. Shows her feelings.
33. Always smiles.
34. Can Quote Bob Marley.
35. Gives space.
36. Comfortable in her own skin.
37. Puts a period at the end of every sentence.
38. Strong Morlas (knows what the weekend is, Doesn't sin, loves everyone)
39. Has A new age of hygene/personal care.
40. Make up is not important.
41. Has no problem with the front door being open.
42. Argues with-out getting frustrated.
43. Has not gone through drastic Mental change.
44. Likes Children.
45. The technology craze has not afflicted her.
46. Travels with-out luggage & reservations.
47. Doesn't complain/Wine.
48. Positive attitude.
49. No prudent recollection of past relation-ships.
50. Not jealous.
51. Part of the 1%.
52. Shares.
53. Prefers live flowers over Bought.
54. "Strong" Voice.
55. Has a favorite Animal.
56. Understands different perspectives of time.
57. Can be/kinda is Compasionate towards spiders.
58. Know-ledge of "Mother" Nature.
59. Respects Counter-Culture.
60. A free will, a liberated soul, and a heart that persues justice.
61. Doesn't fancy the cinema, television or actors.
62. Enjoys theater.
63. Does Not Name Drop.
64. Individual dialect.
65. Gets along great with people.
66. Can drink 4 pints.
67. Thinks accounting is a good job.
68. Understands the idealogy of a working society.
69. Furry :)
70. Never Married.
71. No Kids.
72. Regrets Nothing / Hasn't made big mistakes.
73. Fear fears her.
74. Isn't a guy.
75. 18+.
76. Independant of Mommy & Daddy.
77. Vocal.
78. Admits when she is wrong.
79. Slightly competitive (at least).
80. Catious of Virtual Reality.
81. Prefers Candle light over Bulb light.
82. Apprieciates History and ancient languages.
83. Knows how/is/has skills with instruments of music or is very willing to learn.
84. Sings, or has a desire to develop the skill.
85. Doesn't cheat.
86. Her compromises make everyone happy.
87. At peace with Death.
88. Content & Honest.
89. Likes Blood.
90. Likes Unreal tournament & Quake 3.
While I can add more to de list, there's no good reason to do so. This will filter out more than enough.
Halloween Night in Brasov. Just went out for a stroll to listen, there's nothing, a few available women. But not what I want. The only option is a strange one. One of the Angels of Heaven might have to come down here and put on a dress. Though that wouldn't work, I'll know.
Was thinking, I went from a quiet town in Valeni, a normal sized person. Whose priority in Life was to be invisible.
But through direct contact with the free willed creatures, and in there range of freedom. I have wound up getting more attention than I ever planned for, this was supposed to be a Vacation after all.
The world has offered me everything a mortal could desire, and still there is a phone laying next to me. It stays open, No-one Calls. An angel could be talking to me through it and all I'll do is confuse, lose and back to Vacation. It's usually not so close, but some-one out there needs something very badly. They all need Love.
Crush the World. Smother
In the sense of. Their
Affection. Dreams
With???
Hope!
It's over soon.
Approximently? Only God knows
When :)
What if some idiot mortal gets there hands on this ? Some dimensional being picks up on the scent ?
Nap Time!
Though for some weird reason, it feels as if there's one more person on this planet, one more this planet for....
Maybe? It's her? The 13? It is their? The Couch surfing met? 3 sylable Name? Begining the center of deprivation? Why would? Family? She be in Do I Am I ever going to be That's I need the right place? She won't be on What to Answer, It'd still be perfect
Yes I am ready. By the way.
Didn't find her. As the story goes, in Jeurusalam I'll find her. I keep thinking to add more things to de list, but it's fine the way it is :) It's helpful. Last night at musik cafe, 3 little women were all hanging out chain smoking. Rule 5: Cares about physical fitness. Well.. Good thing I took de time to accomplish so much. Now I'm on Vacation, again. Remarkable! I also can't make up my mind weather I want an angel or a mortal as my spouse. Hm, something to think about. Gotta do laundry.
Everything would be real nice if I could just... Find my wife. It's so stress-ful to go to these stables of stupidity and commercialism hoping to find her. One day. Soon. That doesn't mean that I won't stop having fun, it just means I'll be extremely selfish this time. He He he.
Here's something un-expected. Almost picked up a girl, then I remembered that it's been almost 9 yeats of guitar study.
Why the hell would I force company onto me ?
Last night I had the pleasure of witnessing who I am to this universe.... To think, what would it be like if "god" had a diary/journal. It'd be a happy little collections of thoughts.
Good thing I'm free though. To do things that make me happy. Good thing I'm smart, to solve my problems before they start.
Now Where is my woman?
Jeursalem? NO! It's been done before
The holy empire is not just in one mangy city. It is every-where. To bad for these idiots that they don't know it.
Good thing I still got myself. Witnessing how I'm surrounded by singers. Song-birds are the pure creation that I enjoy. But that spirit is welcome in people too. Iulia, have what I've been looking for finally been found ?
Gutz say yes! Always say yes!
Good thing I always need time to think. That way everyone gives me space. For some strange reason, I am sure I won't hear from Iulia until Monday. That's fine. I got plenty to focus on till then.
Right now I've found Trance Gemini, Andromeda, and that Bad-ass Blondy. Harper though? I found the Black Adder, and now ?
Go to de cinema watch a movie, get away from Catalin... "Hey Dude, there's two chicks playing Guitar".
Well... Back to waiting around for Iulia to make a move, Alexandra to come back & life to End.
Here's what's going to Happen > 1. I will eat much less. 2. I will close up until a lover (permanent) find me. 3. Once this book is finished, dependind on 2s accomplishment or failure. I Will kill myself.
Only 3 things... Guess I better get to writting more and bigger.
Ripping pages out? Does that help? There's about 58 pages left... But I am sick & disqusted of being Alone!
Days Left on Earth.
If Andrea is right about the snow-fall. I'm going to have to marry the girl...
And now we wait.
Tadadada. 14 hours.
I wonder what their doing at the academy with the christmas Decorations. Not again.
Oil changed!
I'm wondering, it's 1:28 in the morning. This is my 10th week here, alone coming to an end. The seconds I'm counting. Each one is a moment ALONE. It's not Bad, it's just an observation of the typical life on Terra. Outside of this (Little) apartment there are people. The singers have become beggers as they do not sing enough. And at this time in this weather I only have the hope of find someone. Which is usually more than enough. If my birth-day finds me with-out a soul-mate, I might as well go.
Christmax is going to be hard enough.
I've told the angels, that I surrender searching. 23 years later should be more than enough time for a man to find his woman.
24 ? 25? 26 ?
Content. Disbelief. Torture.
27 is far too late.
The question than goes to why. Quiet simple. I am always on.
That is why I need someone by my side that is always on!
There aren't many women like that on this planet. I've noticed.
There's Liz? Ellie? But music was dieing in L.A. And Mcdonalds didn't hire me in time. The studio had just one client. What w waste.... Lad.
Give me hope from Sima! Or today will end much different than how it has been written.
Giving orders again I thought you were on Vacation! Vacation, Not Detention.
Clever idea of a joke. Yea, I got the message and things did end different!
What you want me to complain!?
Back to work & thanks to all of you with Love.
So the deal was Oz & Liz Don't get attention until There's some Love in my life. And than the question is when do I want to give them Love. Complicated situation.
Sima, Simina, they both have the same problem. It must come from the word SIM. Just talked to Iulia about how I could use some help with my face. The little sist. What the fuck! Pointless what I'm writting Huh?
End of year Review. 28 failed Relationships this year. 17 New ones 14 Existing ? One Day.... It'll End.
Enough with the common sense of play-ful-ness. I'm on Vacation. Checking out what's going on with Terra.
Everything written from Here is Free.
Cause of stress before the start of 20-14. The biggest cause is the noose of authority demanding freedom of Romanian society to struggle. There is hope in the art of conversation, but talking to people is another worry. The solution to this problem is to speak American. Something I should begin doing. The other stress that is pissing me off is that I have to begin being a staple of respect.
Annoying.
Going to have to be patient this time around.
FiFi is getting cremated today as well.
The current "chapter" in Life is now. I sacrificed a lot to enjoy the freedom of the universe. Those two suicide attempts mean there really is an emptyness in regard to fear.
Yet there's no snow.
The Academy is a fraud. And each day rolls on just as strong as the last. Training another spider, observering how well it does on a vegitarian diet. But that's not why I like spiders. Feeding them is great; their the only pet, or of the few pets that eats live "pray".
Alexandra doesn't lead, and chances are she is curious is this is in here.
Whatever.
Time for children.
Cocaine seems to help bitches from getting pregnant. I have to end everything between me and Alexandra because she is a drug addict. How did I... Never-mind.
I'm going to wash, it's been a week since (I think).
When you control the universe it's hard to know what you want.
I want to stop eating but that will give away who I am.
Why? I've made to many mistakes. I came here to judge my creations. They have all lost the spark of life I put into them when I created TERRA. This world that humans know will end. But those that knew me will be saved.
This suicide attempt
Not enough eletricity.
This one is gone as well. I need meaning in my life before purpose. Liaka keeps me from killing myself. There is nothing guiding. War is breaking out close by.
Military service ? Cook?
Do I have any choice? I know now that I have friends and companions. But what was this ? Questions without a purpose.
It was my 25th year at the school of hard knocks.
You gotta be strong!
I always used to wonder. " How do I get rid of this bitch". And I did. Now I'm just pretending that I care.
Who's next?
Smaranda Maria Sirbu.
Our whole relationship started with lies. And do I don't know too much about her. The way she sings to me at de most delicate of times is one of the many things I love about her. She follows most of de rules.
I'm on de edge of becoming Casanova again, too much stress with believing a person who Decieves so much. That is the way of de world ever since I abadoned it. She is my heart. May she never leave me or prove to be unfaith-ful.
I can finally be happy.
Today, a session of Calm meditation led me to a meeting with my first born child. A beautiful girl walked beside, hand in hand. Her skin as Smarandas, her eyes as mine.
Straight hair of course.
It was interesting because she was learning how to be cool, and that is what I have to do today. Much to excited, it's the fourth day with no sleep. Smaranda and I have reached a very advanced state in our love -> Why Terra?
Great instead of peace there's nothing but chaos. Panic attacks come and go like wild tidal waves. Drowning out of de questions.
It takes one pebble to create a ripple, more pebbles more ripples. One ripple can flood an island.
Things don't always go as planned in these situations it's good to be active. But a positive attitude is a neccesity.
Doubts? Only if they are based on lies.
What I have are bits of an emotion caused by wrong doing. Like a small child affected by his/her dropped bit of candy. It's things bigger than candy, emotions, truths passed beneath silence, confusion ? And that big uncertain question that really tears this reality apart.
A daughter is de only hope for peace. We'll stay up together until she sleeps, and then awake more I shall remain from de burden of raising her.
In this second it feels as if 2 minutes away from Smaranda is all it takes and then Catastrophy.
Wake up Already!
